Why I love goodbye's

I saw a list the BBC made of 100 books, they expected most people had read around 6.
I had read twenty two. And there were three that I had started, but not finished.

My parents watch old people movies, and I fear being able to relate to them.
I don't really feel afraid that often. But I have a lot of fears.
I don't think that makes sense the way I want it to.
I have good emotional control, but I have a relentless and intense imagination.
its all self inflicted.

I feel old constantly. Like i've somehow been through a lot.
But I'll often feel like a child.

SHIFTING GEARS.
although, perhaps not as badly as I had first thought.

it still stems from fears,
when I was young I was just as fearful as I am now, only I had no control over it.
In high school I had a volatile fear of being bullied, or at least messed with. I hated it, and didn't know how to respond to it.
In essence, I couldn't handle it.
So i worked on formulating ways to deal with it. I was frivolous and inane to the point of idiocy. It was a comedic cover up, that I believed has ended up in my peculiar sense of humor that I have today.
I also started to form a very aggressive, rough exterior.
I was cruel and rude.
I learned to perfect it, and now I have an unavoidable brusque extraversion that I think in no way resembles who I am.

Theres a lot to say on either the sillyness I once displayed forming part of my current sense of humor, or my insecurities creating a gruff effigy.
God, thank you for synonyms and the beauty of Language.

I need to work on my poem for describing what its like to think the way that I do.
Its very hard to describe.
I need to finish this 10 page research paper on Knights and why they made good crusaders.
I need to start my 6 page paper comparing Aristotle and Plato.

I need to remain chilllllll.
I wish I could draw.

A song: Mastodon - Naked Burn
I know no one listens to these. I guess I do it for myself.
Don't wait on me.