my brain is so fried. Almost all of the time.
I am so busy during the week I only have a few hours to myself each day. That is usually spent unwinding by either reading, playing a game, or watching T.V.
All of my friends are busy too, only in different ways. I don't really have anyone that I "talk to" a lot. I don't text or get texts except out of necessity and having a conversation outside of the weekends actually feels irregular.
I spend all day speaking in front of students. I am actually a very quiet person, and all this communication has caused me to get my words backwards and my tongue tied a lot. Essentially, I stutter.
Because my brain has to go nonstop from 8 AM to 3 PM my mind oftentimes gets ahead of my mouth, and so I repeat the beginnings of sentences two or three times before the rest comes out.
"ok.. ok... ok now you can start your quiz." "And this... and this is why that is true"
I also participate in extra curricular activities at school. I assistant direct, but it requires a full-time commitment. That is an extra two hours essentially, most days of the week.
Today specifically, which is why I write this, I arrived at school at 6:30 and had an altered schedule due to teacher meetings which took up 75% of my planning time that is critical for me since it is my first time teaching. My last class ended precisely at 3:00, I then had bus duty in the gym until 4:05, and then (I was late to) play practice until 5:30.
Seeing as I had no planning, I literally had nothing ready for the following day. I came close to calling in a substitute or something just to give myself a day off to not be trampled.
Instead, I got take-out asian food, brought it home, and have eaten it while trying to find some semblance of a not-awful lesson for twelve year olds.
I realize this is little more than complaining. But I really need to say it, preferably somewhere little to no one will see it except for myself. I do all of this because I frequently come back and read these posts when I can reflect properly or be more analytical. I also like putting up songs that suit my current mood.
(this time it is Rage against the machine: sleep now in the fire)
Most of all, I miss the relative intimacy of friendships. I don't see many people any more, and I DO NOT speak to many people any more. That is really just the way it is, not because I avoid it, but I don't have time, etc.
