I will use this time and space to express a few of my thoughts as I begin to wrap up my final semester of my undergraduate life.
I have two weeks left in my second placement. Each week is only four days long since we get this Friday off and next Monday off as well because of Easter. This means I have eight days of teaching left. This statistic is a fairly frightening one.
I will graduate here within a few weeks as well. I will quote myself by indicating that the thought of graduation and moving into my next stage of life invokes a sort of 'primal fear' within me. Not necessarily that I am afraid, but rather that I am just... nervous. It is a major transitional time of life, and as such I am hesitant toward the future.
I think well of my past, I have few true regrets. But I do tend to nostalgically reflect on my former self. By that I mean that I analyze things that I have done or that have happened to me. I once found myself depressed because I was looking through my high school yearbook. I saw people I knew currently, but I saw them as their high school selves. I saw myself in high school disguise, and I hated it. High school was an emotionally vexing and trying time of my life. (I am only rambling about this because I am currently sitting in a high school and it is near impossible not to apply it to myself).
I spend a lot of time thinking about how awesome I would have been if I could have gone back and redone it.
However, I do not quite feel regret for my high school experience because it yielded the result of who I am today, which I am more than satisfied with.
Speaking of regret, I feel like regret can be one of the worst emotions a person can experience. I am not talking about something like, "Oh I wish I had gotten the soup because that looks delicious" or even like "I wish I hadn't just hit my finger with that hammer." I am talking about the true, burning regret that sears into your soul.
When you regret, your entire body shuts down and only your mind functions purely to maintain the ability to drown in your lamentation. (I really love that word, Lamentation). Regret, I feel, can rival heartache for the capability of consuming a person's entire being.
I don't wish to make anyone dwell on regrets, or even the thought of what regrets could be, especially myself.
I don't really wish to spend much more time meandering around listlessly through my thoughts, because it can be burdening.
Here is a song from a new band I heard about. The Green Children - Skies on Fire
